The past year has changed me. A lot. I’ve admitted my faults before, and in most cases, I am grateful for the mistakes that I’ve made. I have learned from them. And as cliche’ as it may be, I have grown to be a better woman because of them. Did I appreciate them in the moment? Absolutely not. But I am grateful for them now.
In the past 12 months, I have found myself reaching for things because they were wrapped in pieces of familiarity I yearned for. I broke my own heart letting certain people walk out of my life, only because I knew it would somehow be good for me in the long run. I gave away too many chances because I want nothing more than to believe the best in people. I took on responsibilities I was not always able to handle on my own. At times I was spiteful because I felt the need to have the last word when I had been misunderstood.
But some things about me will never change no matter the circumstances life decides to humor me with.
I’m always going to be the girl who unintentionally makes a fool of herself and then laughs it right off (side note: I believe making a fool of yourself is terribly underrated and should be done more often.) I’m 95% sure that my brain is stuck in a fantasy land where every time I walk through a door the chances of meeting the love of my life are completely in my favor (still has yet to happen.)
My nightstand will always hold five half-read books collecting dust because I have the attention span of a new puppy waiting by the door because he has to pee (nice visual, right?) My sarcastic sense of humor will always be too inappropriate for the office and other public spaces. I’ll still acquire about nine parking tickets a year and roll my eyes as my bank account drops because of it.
Not everyone will see the past year of my life in the same way. I would never expect people to. Some will cast judgement, question my decisions and actions, and possibly push me away because of it. And ya know what? That’s okay.
I know that at the end of the day, every decision I have made, action I have taken and relationship I have let come or go in my life has all been done with nothing but the best of intentions. If you have that same certainty about where you’re at right now, give yourself some credit. You don’t have to have it all figured out at once. You just have to be happy with where you’re at in this moment.