Failure. Mediocrity. Unbalance. Complacency.
I’m petrified of them all becoming a reality.
I’m afraid of passing up opportunities just because the timing is less than ideal.
I’m scared that i’ll be forgotten by those who I hope remember me the most.
Even more so, i’m scared of settling and not realizing that I have. I guess that boils down to being too comfortable. Resting on my laurels sounds like the most miserable option of all time. But what if I never find what it is that i’m truly great at, never find a place that doesn’t feel like i’m a square peg in a round hole? I suppose most people may feel that way in one category of their life or another.
Worst of all, i’m scared that these fears will either hold me back or that my expectations for myself and my own life are so high that i’ll never meet them. I’ve been warned before that expectations are the root of most evil, and maybe that’s true. I aim extremely high and it’s hard for me to be satisfied. Though while I believe I’m as easy going as they come, I constantly and incessantly yearn for more intrinsic fulfillment in every and any aspect of my life.
Maybe one day all of this will add up: the late nights spent blogging to the Rolling Stones, striving to learn from people and daily experiences, wearing my heart on my sleeve with no reservation and no shame, navigating from one engaging article and one captivating novel to the next, attempting to reflect upon my incomplete and scattered thoughts, crying into a carton of ice cream over loves lost, sipping wine with my feet kicked up, walking through the neighborhood and saying hello to strangers, literally stopping to smell the flowers… it’s got to add up to something. It’s got to be a part of that greater plan of which I am equal parts orchestrator and puppet.
Whether it adds up or not, there’s one thing I know for certain: despite fear, uncertainty, frustration and doubt, I never once strayed away from who I am in this moment and who I hope to be in the next. I’ve stumbled and fallen probably more than most, but I’ve never gone outside of my own morals and values in order to figure this life out.
Want to stay true to yourself? Name your fears, then turn them into your greatest source of strength.